


Oasis

by Yusagi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feral Behavior, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Love Confessions, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Public Blow Jobs, Romance, Rough Oral Sex, Roughness, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Survivor Guilt, Unrequited Love, implied Shikatema, referenced Sasusaku, the character death is in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 14:43:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yusagi/pseuds/Yusagi
Summary: Sakura enjoys the trips she takes to Suna for the peace and quiet, the important memories she’s made there…and their kind Kazekage. Perhaps it’s the Kazekage that she likes the most out of all of her trips to Suna. But she knows better than to expect him to return her feelings. That’s never going to happen…and she knows it.





	

Life After Sasuke, as she’d come to call it, like that made it easier…it was a complicated thing. There were so many new treaties to organize, the negotiations and trade agreements were so plentiful and constant that she didn’t think _any_ of the villages were sufficiently prepared.

It wasn’t any wonder why her mentor had been so quick to step down and hand her hat over to the sixth Hokage. She wouldn’t have blamed him if _he_ ran away from all that paperwork and diplomatic nonsense, too.

None of it was really her responsibility, but she’d always volunteered to help in whatever way she could, anyway. It meant ferrying information and representing the village all over the world, and the only reason she hadn’t been given some kind of official title of ambassador yet was probably because Hokage Kakashi didn’t want even _more_ pomp and circumstance. Or paperwork.

But…she didn’t really care. Not about titles, and not about keeping busy. When she traveled and when she threw herself into intense negotiations, she didn’t have to think about the changing world around her. She didn’t have to try to plan out her future while the people around her seemed to just fall into their adult lives without trouble. It made a difficult and confusing time easier.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Not just because she enjoyed the sense of fulfillment and the fun of bringing order to the chaos she tended to walk into. Being the designated information ferry meant she got to travel all over, and when Naruto and Shikamaru were busy with their own things, it generally meant she went to Suna, Konoha’s oldest ally, too. 

For most, Suna was something of a punishment. The people were all pleasant, but the desert heat was punishing, there was no easy way to travel through the desert of the Land of Wind, and the politicians there could be almost as stubborn as the ones in Iwa. (But without the cool weather and beautiful views that came with such a trip)

She…didn’t mind it at all, though. Yes, Suna could be hot and the sand that whipped through the air at all times outside Sunagakure proper was an irritant, but…when she wore light clothing it wasn’t unbearable. And…it was an important place to her. Meeting Lady Chiyo, facing off against Sasori…even though it was a difficult and painful time, they’d had almost as much of an impact on her as her time under Lady Tsunade. Without them, she was sure she’d never have ended up the way she did. Who knew how things would have turned out, then?

But it wasn’t just pleasant memories and nostalgia, though. Most of Konoha had that, and it wasn’t so hot. 

As inflexible as some of the politicians in Suna were…there were others that weren’t that way at all. Her head ducked as she walked through the grand entrance of Sunagakure, trying to smother a sudden and completely inappropriate smile. Even though they’d started out bitter enemies, though she’d been terrified of them once, all three of the sand siblings were dear friends now. Of both Konoha and her. (At least one of them was a little bit _more_ than just a ‘friend’ of Konoha, but that wasn’t her business.)

Every time she visited, they always went out of their way to take her out. They’d always spend some time with her no matter how difficult the negotiations ended up or how busy they all were. Kankuro showed off the newest improvements he made to his puppets (generally just one in particular) and gave her tips on how to puppeteer that wouldn’t actually help her ever pick up the skill but were fun to do anyway. Temari would take her to weapons shops and impressively tall towers that showed infinite planes of sand, like she could ever actually figure out how to understand the landmarks and distinctiveness of Suna’s endless sand and wind. And sometimes grill her about Shikamaru in a way she _couldn’t_ think was subtle.

And…Gaara, the Kazekage. All of the Kage were pleasant, generally. Except when Raikage Ay got too riled up. One didn’t become a Kage without diplomatic ability. But…Gaara was also a personal friend of the Leaf, of Naruto…and at some point, herself. The man was always as gentle and calm as he’d been unstable and terrifying at first. It wasn’t any wonder why his people loved him so much, and she certainly couldn’t blame anyone if they did.

Though he was quiet, and though she knew he still struggled to fully adapt to expressing his emotions and to catch up to the normal human interaction everyone else had the chance to learn as a child, he was _always_ so terribly kind. His smiles always felt sincere, and when he would ask her things that really weren’t anything more than pleasantries, the compassion and care in his voice always made it feel more genuine to her than anyone else.

His smiles were always small and subtle, like they were an expression he still hadn’t managed to feel comfortable with, but they felt like sunshine and summer, which was probably the way the Kazekage ought to be, considering.

Even when they were nothing more than polite convention, she always liked them. He was…sometimes he was hard to get a read on. It was probably because of his limited experience with positive social interaction on a personal level. Sometimes he’d let awkward silence stretch on forever until someone broke it for him, and…surprisingly…he didn’t seem to mind touching. Maybe it had to do with how little physical contact he must have had when he was younger, but he always seemed to pleased and eager to agree if it meant holding her hand to help steady her, or if she touched his shoulder, or if she brushed hair out of his face that had gotten a little too wild and needed cut.  
  
Maybe it wasn’t the _most_ polite thing to do, holding someone else’s hand casually, but he always held on so tightly, his hand was so soft and warm, and he always looked so _happy_ to be able to touch another person. So…even if she should probably dissuade him from doing that so casually, she couldn’t bring herself to do that. Eventually he’d learn on his own, anyway.

She linked her hands behind her waist as she walked, struggling to push all those thoughts aside before she started blushing in the middle of the street and risked having to explain herself.

She did like her trips to Suna, so she always volunteered (to the relief of everyone who didn’t), but…she wasn’t oblivious to why she always looked forward to them. It was terribly inappropriate, it wasn’t right of her at all. He was nothing but kind to her, extending to her the same friendship and respect that _Naruto_ earned because she was Naruto’s friend, and she truly _did_ understand that. She didn’t let herself be fooled.

And she…

If Sasuke were still alive, she’d still be in love with him, wouldn’t she? Her heart felt like it would crush in her chest when she thought of him, thought of the apology he’d given her, of everything she’d failed to do for him. If she would have loved him before, if her heart still hurt when she thought of Sasuke, then it wasn’t right that she could let herself love someone else. Just because he was kind to her, it didn’t give her the right to be in love.

She almost startled herself by laughing at herself.

Well…well. Here she was anyway. What a sad person she was.

But it wouldn’t hurt. She knew better. She wouldn’t ever say anything, she wouldn’t ever delude herself into believing that she could do anything about it. It was just a little bit of happiness she stole for herself, even if she shouldn’t. It wouldn’t hurt him if he didn’t know, and she certainly wasn’t the _only_ one to fall for him, anyway.

It could be her secret, and she’d be perfectly okay with it. Even if she shouldn’t be.

“Sakura.”

She gasped, startling at the sudden voice of the very person she’d been thinking of, turning her head immediately toward the sound. He wore that kind smile of his, though there was a touch of apology in it from the way she’d startled. 

Even though she’d seen him use it before, she always forgot _just_ how quiet he could be when floating on his sand. Surrounded in the sound of the rest of the village, she hadn’t heard _anything_ when he approached until then. Well. It wasn’t like they were enemies, so it probably didn’t matter. “Gaara!”

“I’m sorry for startling you.” He glanced away from her quickly, and his shoulders squared a bit, voice a bit more awkward with the unnecessary guilt. “Did…ah. You encountered no difficulties on your way here?”

She offered him a sympathetic smile, but trying to dispel the momentary guilt over her own distraction would just have made. “The trip went fine.” She fluffed at her hair a little awkwardly. Honestly, it seemed like a formality to worry about her when almost nothing actually _could_ hurt her. But…it was still nice to talk to him individually, instead of just about politics. “It’s not like there’s much that could give me trouble in the first place, though.”

“…Yes I suppose so. The world has truly changed now. Before…” His low voice trailed off, and for a few moments, it seemed as if his eyes gazed at nothing. They clenched shut then, and…this wasn’t new.

Every once in a while, she did see this happen, and she’d heard from Temari and Kankuro that it did. Particularly when dealing with high stress situations, sometimes…the memories of the things he’d done, the things he’d experienced could become…difficult for him.

She knew she couldn’t ever truly understand. For all that she suffered through those years, her experiences couldn’t even come close to a shadow of what Naruto and Gaara experienced. The painful memories she’d lose herself in at times were not at all on the same level as theirs. She reminded herself of that whenever they felt unbearable. People like Gaara suffered _so much more_.

It hurt, frustrated her, that she had so little to say or do to help him. She couldn’t understand a reach out to him like Naruto did, and she couldn’t just go get her errant friend and shove him at Gaara to help when he wasn’t even _there_.

She reached out gently to touch his cheek with her hand, hoping that her touch might ground him, and bit her lip. “It’s…it _is_ a good time now, huh? There’s no dangers around anymore. And we’re friends now.”

His eyes opened suddenly at the contact - clearly unexpected - but…he didn’t move at all. Instead, a smile that might have been relief bloomed across his lips and he reached out to touch her shoulder with a touch as light as her own. “Friends. Yes.”

After a moment, he gave a sigh, and the tension in his expression faded away. “Although perhaps there are advisers who would prefer I not use such language. But…their beliefs are but lingering relics of a time gone now. We will have peace, not deception and war.”

She nodded, unable to help but smile when he relaxed once more. “Exactly. We’ll show them soon enough.”

One of his soft and subtle smiles curled along his lips again. “Well. It’s…why I sought you out today. There are politics to be played for the sake of the nerves of both of our village’s elders I am certain. But before that…it would be nice…to talk freely for a while.”

…Oh. Her hand was still on his cheek.

She started slightly and pulled it away from him. Even though he always seemed to appreciate physical contact, it would be inappropriate to just linger forever. “Well, I’m happy to talk to you. I kind of like it, anyway. Even if I’m here to represent Konoha, I’m just another ninja. I’m not a kage or anything important, all of this politics doesn’t really come naturally to me.”

He gave a low chuckle, the kind that sometimes threatened to make her stumble if he did it when she were walking. “I don’t believe it comes naturally to anyone.”

Well…

He was probably right.

She coughed lightly and changed the subject before she could say anything more embarrassing on the subject. “Well if…you don’t mind making them wait a bit, we could take an indirect path to the meeting? As long as you don’t mind sharing my company a little longer. But…uh if you’d rather not–!”

He waved a hand in a slight, dismissive route. “It’s unlikely they realize you’ve arrived.” He turned away from her slightly, though she had no idea what he was actually looking at. “I’m sure we have plenty of time to walk.”

He gestured toward the path ahead and started down it with another of his friendly smiles.

For a few moments, they walked in silence, hands hanging so close they nearly brushed each other while they moved. It was a comfortable closeness, or it should have been. Despite herself, she…just kept finding her gaze flickering to the hand next to hers.

It was…not at all unusual if they did hold hands. Normally it wasn’t in such a public place like this, where such contact could be misconstrued, but. There wasn’t actually anyone else on the street as they walked, given that the setting sun sent most of the villagers inside for their dinners. She bit her cheek and nervously reached out, fingers just barely touching his, lacing cautiously with his.

Casual. If he wasn’t alright with it, she was fine! It didn’t mean anything either way!

Briefly, his fingers tensed around hers as if the contact surprised him, but then his hand laced easily with hers. It was….comfortable. Nice. His hands - all of his skin, really - were the softest skin she’d ever felt on a shinobi, untouched by almost anything in his life.

“I suppose we’ll be caught eventually, though.” She gave a short laugh. “Eventually someone will notice the Kazekage wandering the streets with a stranger and they’ll come for us.”

An amused smirk spread across his features. “I wouldn’t be the only one recognized. Perhaps you are not a kage…but such a famously talented medical ninja would be easily recognized here as well.” He glanced briefly over at her. “…And you do have quite distinctive hair.”

Her free hand reached up to touch one of her swaying pink locks of hair. He did have a point, she supposed. The pink hair _was_ a bit of a give away.

“But…it’s already late tonight. We can delay the meeting until tomorrow quite easily.”

“Oh–I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you!”

He shook his head quickly. “I believe it might be…fun. To avoid them for a night.”

She pressed a hand to her lips to hide a laugh. Maybe he’d been spending a little _too_ much time around Naruto if that’s the way he’d started to think.

“…Do you enjoy this place?”

The question caught her off guard, jerking her back to reality and away from ridiculous images of Naruto encouraging the innocent Kazekage to commit acts of pranking.

“Huh…? Suna?” He watched her so intently…she didn’t feel right giving him an evasive answer. Besides, it wasn’t like she was hiding anything. Except for what she was.

“Of course.” She nodded, summoning a smile for him immediately. “It’s warm, but I’ve figured out how to deal with that now. And…it’s so quiet. Konoha’s always full of life and bustle and noise, but Suna’s….quiet and orderly. It’s peaceful. It’s really relaxing to come here.”

Was that selfish? It sounded a little like she was using his village as a vacation instead of enjoying it normally. “What…about you?” It was his village, after all, he probably had more to say than her.

“I love it…” His gaze turned away from her, and his face drifted upward, staring at the orange sky as he spoke, expression distant. “Of course I love my people. But…more than that…this village is my home. Its history…its culture. We are proud, and perhaps some of us are still too inflexible for this new world…but we’ve accomplished much on our own, we’ve survived through our hardships and forged close bonds together through them.”

She found her breath caught in her throat as she stared up at him. So often his reminiscing was so _sad_ , or so painful. This…watching him speak about something he truly loved, it was…different. A different kind of passion than she’d seen from him before, a different softness. It wasn’t the way she should think at a time like that, but…he looked beautiful as he stared into the sky and spoke of his village. 

He really was a good kage. “To me…they’ve all combined together. The buildings, the people, the rolling hillsides and lost towers. From the grandest mountain top of Suna…” His gaze fell then, turning suddenly from the sky down to her. She would have gasped in surprise and looked away in embarrassment at being caught staring, but…the look in his green eyes was too intense to break away from. “To its most precious flower.”

She…she wanted to speak, to say something in response to everything he’d just said but–before she could even try to, he leaned in suddenly, taking a step closer to her, and pressed soft lips over hers.

It…it was so jarring, so unexpected, that her hands immediately came up to his chest. Rather than shove him away in a blind panic as the movement started out, though, she found her fingers fisting into the coarse material of his shirt. It was just a kiss, but part of her was afraid she’d fall over from the shock if she didn’t hold on to him.

Though it started out chaste, when her fingers tugged on his shirt, his arms wrapped tightly around her, pressing into her back and pulling her flush against him. Despite all his awkwardness and uncertainty in most situations, the kiss didn’t feel awkward to her at all. Though she had no previous kiss to compare it to, the way that his teeth tugged at her lips, the desperate way his tongue flicked across the flesh that he’d just teased with his teeth…it was surely exactly the kind of kiss she’d seen exchanged in alleyways and at the end of romantic movies.

Her eyes shut tight at the inappropriate surging _ache_ that she felt, realizing it must have meant he…actually had _practice_. 

Instead of focusing on that, her arms curled around his neck and she struggled to return his kiss in kind. The growl that escaped him when she nibbled at _his_ lip almost ruined her.

She felt dizzy, just…just hearing _that._ She’d heard him growl before when he was younger, but it wasn’t like this one at all. His voice had matured and he’d gotten so much kinder and gentler than then, making the sudden sound so much more out of place. And he hadn’t growled _right up against her_. 

She almost didn’t feel the wall against her back, and she certainly didn’t remember when he moved her (maybe he’d merely moved the sand? Maybe she’d stumbled. She couldn’t remember and didn’t care). His strong arms caged her in on either side, trapping her between himself and the wall, as if she could even _think_ clearly enough to try to escape.

The impact against the wall broke her lips away from his and she gasped for air, struggling to regain some semblance of her sanity and clarity. What…what? This…Gaara, leader of another country, _Naruto’s_ friend, he was kissing _her? He_ looked so hungry? At…at _her?_

It didn’t make any sense, and she…struggled to find an answer in the scattered fragments of her concentration. She’d never seen the look in his eyes that she saw now, dark and wild, driven with desire almost as intense as he’d had when they first met, but…different. His shoulders heaved as he must have regained his breath at all, staring down at her.

Distantly, she realized sand looped around her ankles, freezing her in place. A small part of her that she’d never been able to completely rid herself of clenched in brief terror - memories of the day she’d been pinned against a tree, sand slowly suffocating her, able to crush the life from her at any moment entirely at the whim of a crazed killer, never fully purged - but…that was long, long ago. 

The man in front of her would never hurt her. She was certain of that. She loved him, yes, but she was also _sure_ he’d never intentionally hurt her. He was too kind for that.

He gave another soft growl and leaned in to kiss along her jaw and neck, mumbling her name against her skin over and over in a torn and ragged voice she’d never heard from him. Every time she heard it, her stomach clenched, and she pressed her thighs together a little more. It…it was _destroying_ her ability to even remember what _words were_. 

Gaara, the kind, beautiful boy who cared _so much_ , her Kazekage who always sought her out and ensured her comfort and safety, the one she loved even though she shouldn’t, his attention, his desire it was all on _her_.

Except…

Except…

She grit her teeth and snapped her eyes shut, a surge of determination finally breaking through her selfish indulgence. Hands gripped his shoulders, and she pushed him firmly back.

Except he wasn’t _her_ Kazekage. He wasn’t _her_ , and there was a reason why she shouldn’t love him. Whatever was happening, he couldn’t be in his right mind. Especially if he already had experience with…with _someone_.

“G…Gaara. Hey, what’s wrong with you?” She wanted to cry, so she forced herself to give a nervous smile, instead. “It’s…it’s just me. I’m…I’m just Sakura. See?  I don’t…I don’t know what’s happened but…”

It was _such_ a wonderful experience. it really was. She never imagined he’d actually kiss her in the first place. Everything else…it was…it was a lovely fantasy she’d keep with her guiltily forever, but. But he was a friend, and the only way he’d be behaving this way was if there were…some kind of a genjutsu on him.

Or a drug.

Or something.

They were only friends. She wasn’t anything special to him, certainly not…not _this_.

“Someone…they must have done something to you, alright? But…but it’s okay! Because I’ll figure it out and fix it! And I…I won’t think anything that’s happened means a-anything.”

No.

No, don’t cry _now_.

She quickly scrubbed at her eyes, hoping it might be just a _little_ discreet. She looked away from him quickly, struggling to keep her strength, to keep her heart from breaking any more than it already had. “I know…I know you don’t think this way about me…so…I won’t be hurt by this. Don’t…don’t worry.”

He’d been quiet the whole time, expressions of concern and worry dancing across his face as she spoke, and she hated herself for it. She should have stopped him when he first kissed her, and…she just took advantage when she let anything else happen.

When she finally fell silent, though, one of his gentle hands slid over her cheek. His touch felt light and gentle, and yet she couldn’t help but follow his urging and look back up at him when he lifted her chin. “This…is not a genjutsu.”

He spoke so softly, so quietly. 

She’d never heard him sound so soft and kind. It made everything hurt that much more.

She clenched her eyes, ground her teeth, tried so hard…but tears fell down her cheeks anyway.

How…how frustrating! How infuriating! Why was she so useless? Why couldn’t she manage to conquer the most basic and easiest rule of the shinobi? She should have mastered her emotions long ago! She shouldn’t….she shouldn’t cry! Not ever!

Instead, here she was, just. Uselessly crying in front of the leader of another country, a friend, someone she loved. And it wasn’t helping him or anything else at all.

“No…No! It has to be!” She gripped her hands to her chest and shook her head. As much as she just wanted to close her eyes, pretend this was a dream that went from sweet to painful, she…had to open her eyes. She had to meet his gaze and show him just how serious the situation was. “You…wouldn’t…you wouldn’t do this to just anyone, Gaara. I know you wouldn’t. It would be someone special! And whoever…whatever special person you chose to do this with…it wouldn’t be _me_.”

Why….?

Why did it make her heart ache and hurt _so much_ to say that? She _knew_ it was true. She’d known it for as long as she’d known she loved him. She’d long accepted he wouldn’t ever love her in return. She missed and threw away all the opportunities life had given her to be loved, chasing after someone who she’d lost anyway. She couldn’t just expect someone _new_ to walk up and offer themselves to her just because she was free _now_.

She didn’t deserve anyone to do that when she threw away the chances she had before.

And _anyway_. Even if someone could or would decide to love her sometime, even without throwing away the chances she got, it wasn’t like someone as important as the Kazekage, the leader of a _country_ , would ever choose to love her. Please. That was _absurd_.

So…

So…it was so _stupid_ that it hurt to say it. It shouldn’t hurt to admit the truth. “Please…please just believe me…” Her eyes burned with tears, but she forced herself to smile encouragingly at him anyway. “I’ll fix this. I promise.”

Even if she couldn’t stop crying, she could try to be strong, right?

Again, he was quiet for a short while. Perhaps he was thinking through what she said, analyzing what might have happened, convincing himself of the truth? 

Eventually, his lips twisted into a smile that…perhaps it had a hint of bitterness? “I wouldn’t. The only one I would do this with is the one I love. My…oasis.” His hand reached up toward her face, but stopped halfway. “… _You_.”

She–

_Oh, it hurt. It hurt so much!_

Her hands clasped over her mouth, a failed attempt to muffle the sob that his words drew out of her. “Why… _why?_ Why are you _saying this_?!” It wasn’t fair!

She shook her head quickly, struggling to shake _herself_ into common sense again.

Damn it…damn it! She needed to be strong! She couldn’t be selfish. She couldn’t just focus on _her_ pain, when _he_ was the one being manipulated. He had to be. He must have been. She just… _couldn’t believe_ …

“Please…please don’t tease me anymore. I know it seems like you love me now, but you…you _don’t_. There’s just no way you love me.” Shakily, she let her hands lower and she offered him a reassuring smile. Something to make what she said seem less painful, less of an assault against _him_ than an acknowledgment of what she lacked.

She needed to care about his confusion, about the guilt _he_ would feel later, not her own pain. “You…you don’t….there’s no reason to love me. I’m not anyone special to you. I’m just Sakura. I’m not…I…there’s nothing to love _about_ me, okay? I haven’t…done… _anything._ If you think about it, you’ll see I’m right. It’s okay.”

His brow furrowed, and then he reached out and placed her hands on his face. “Then break the genjutsu. Try and see. But…you’ll see there’s nothing there.” He let her hands fall again, and she…didn’t have the strength to hold them up on her own. “It’s been… _many years_ , Sakura. When you came through here searching for your teammate and saved me. When you visited with Naruto and he tried so hard to get your attention over and over each time you got distracted with this village. When…your teammates were so determined to protect you, all the way back in the Chuunin exams. You’ve been in my mind, disrupting my thoughts and distracting me over and over every time. I…should have said something before. I’m…sorry.”

Years…? The…the _chuunin exams_? Then…even…when he was–

No! No, it _couldn’t be_!

It just couldn’t be!

She shook her head again, like if she just kept insisting she could convince him, show him he was wrong and there wasn’t anything he could love about her. “Why? _Why_?! Back then…I was jut an annoying little girl! I couldn’t do _anything_ , I couldn’t even help my friends! I…I wasn’t…even…why would you _love me_?!”

Why couldn’t she stop herself from crying even for a short while? She could barely even make out his expression anymore through her tear-blurred vision.

“I’m _no one_! I’ve never done _anything_ for you! I’m…I’m not… _Why would you ever love me_?”

“You are _kind_.” He spoke it quietly, but firm enough to cut through the sounds of her own sniffling. “You are _kind_ , compassionate, and determined. You saw Sasuke through his darkness when even I could no longer do so, you believed in Naruto before anyone else in the village. You saw the best in them despite everything, and despite all that anyone ever said. Is there any trait worth loving more?”

That…

That wasn’t even…she wasn’t the _only_ one who believed in Sasuke. She wasn’t the first person to believe in Naruto. She hadn’t accomplished anything by doing it, anyway.

It wasn’t…!

Her lip wobbled in such an immature way, eyes staring wide up at him. “N…No…you’re _wrong_. I’m not kind, I’m _selfish_.” She ducked her head in shame. “I believed in them because I _wanted_ to. I…wanted Sasuke to acknowledge me, I wanted him to care for me, to feel the way I did. I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be close to my team the way that Ino was, so I could be _better at it_ than she was…and…”

Her hands clasped together at her chest again. “I want…I _want_ …you to love me. That isn’t kind or compassionate at all. It’s just selfish. I want…I want _so badly_ to believe you. I want to give in _right now_! I want to feel you, I want to kiss you again, I want to hear you say such wonderful things to me, _for_ me. But…but I _can’t_! I can’t be _that selfish_! Even if it hurts me, even if…we won’t be able to talk like we used to after this because I’ve admitted it all….”

Her control crumbled just a bit more and she threw herself against him, burying a sob in his chest and clinging to his shirt for dear life. “I just can’t watch you be _hurt_!”

An arm slowly curled around her form as she broke down, pathetically crying against the man that she loved when she shouldn’t, pleading with him _not_ to give in and do what she wanted him to do to her. Those soft lips of his pressed against the top of her head, and another hand slowly tousled her hair.

“If that’s the case…then be selfish. With me, I wish for you to be _selfish_. It’s alright.”

“I…I _want to_!” How horrible was it of her? She truly wanted to give in. She wanted to believe him, wanted to throw away her doubts and all the consequences and _love him_. It would be _so wonderful_.

Even if it meant she was stealing that love from him…why did it feel like she just _could_ , like his gentle encouragement was an _excuse_?

She needed to be strong…but…in his arms, in his arms it was so warm. It felt so wonderful and good and right. She wanted him to care. She wanted _so much_ for him to love her the way he said he did.

Was she really so weak she couldn’t say no?

Was it really so bad to pretend if he really believed right _now_ that he loved her?

Slowly, hesitantly, she peered up at him, face red with tears. “Don’t…don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. When you stop loving me…please…please don’t hate me for being so weak.”

For a few moments, his expression twisted to something so painful, so wounded that it made her want to run away, to reach out to him, or perhaps to stop _feeling_. 

Finally though, he leaned down again and pressed his lips to hers, kissing firmly, possessively all over again. His fingers tangled in her hair and pulled her tighter against him again, and for the few moments she struggled to resist, she could see a swirl of sand encircling them, cutting them off from the rest of the street around them.

In the end…she really was too weak to keep fighting after all.

She’d hate herself. He’d probably hate her. She’d deserve it. But…she just…couldn’t stop it any longer. She couldn’t fight her selfishness.

It was wrong, and she was weak, but she loved him _so much_.

“I’m sorry…” She whispered it against his lips between desperate kisses. “I _love you_ , I’m _so sorry_ …” She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t help repeating those words over and over, hoping, praying that he would understand, that somehow this wouldn’t hurt him as much as she was afraid it might.

Her fingers tangled in his hair and she felt him shudder in such a beautiful way underneath her fingers and against her body. When she whispered her love for him, each time, soft low sounds escaped his throat into her mouth. At some point, she didn’t know when, he breathed the same against her skin ‘I love you’, ‘I love you’, the words she so desperately wanted to hear, the gentle kindness and warmth that sprung fresh tears from her eyes.

He kissed her more fiercely every time she apologized, first her mouth then her jaw and neck. She lost track eventually, her chanting and her whimpers of pleasure melding into one.

She felt dizzy, almost out of her own body, as his hands and phantom sand undressed her more and more until she stood in the near darkness of the dome naked in front of him.

It was a kindness to be in the dark. With her hair so mussed, tears ruining her face, lips bruised from his and her teeth, she would have looked like a mess, and it wasn’t exactly how she pictured a romantic dalliance with him to go.

His lips and teeth explored her step by step as he undressed her, lips encircling each breast, tongue swirling over her pink nipples, teeth lightly grazing each in a _terrible teasing way_. He kissed down her ribcage, and seemed to take some kind of pleasure in kissing her stomach and making it jump over and over.

She clutched to his shoulders for dear life, and bit her bruised lip in embarrassment. Shouldn’t…shouldn’t she be contributing more to this? She enjoyed all of the attention, all of the devotion and care he showered on her, but…

She shook her head quickly, dispelling the worry.

He stopped suddenly, kissing just below her belly, looking up at her. Each light brush of his lips, every hot breath that danced across her skin there made her want to squirm away, Or…or move him just a little further _down_.

Shaky hands lifted to caress his cheek and then card through his too-long messy hair. She wouldn’t waste this stolen moment. She’d keep it for herself. A precious memory even if she could never have another. She would pretend this was all real, and if he hated her afterward, she’d fully deserve it.

She really, _truly_ did love him. Even though she shouldn’t. Even though she didn’t deserve to.

She sighed softly, trying not to close her eyes but watch him instead. “Gaara…if you just stop there…I think I’ll go crazy.”

His smile turned to that _rare_ mischievous one that she usually only saw around Naruto, and he _did not move_. He simply nibbled and kissed along all the sensitive - but not sensitive enough - flesh she didn’t want him to. She whimpered and squirmed under his renewed ministrations, but she could barely move from where she was, pinned between the wall and his body, and highs held in a desperately tight and shaky grip in his hands.

His voice filled the dome easily despite the low volume spoke, and felt like sensuous silk to her ears. “ _Go crazy.”_

She was so. Completely. _Utterly_ unprepared for _mischief_. 

Or that command.

The desperate yelping whimper she gave must have been one of the most _embarrassing_ sounds she’d ever made in her life. Her fingers dug into his hair, tugging more harshly than ever before, and…maybe it would be best if she didn’t do that, given his sand probably wouldn’t differentiate between pleasurable pain and attacks but–she couldn’t think clearly enough for that right now.

“ _Please_ …I can’t _take it!”_

He laughed. Against her skin, he gave a dark, rumbling _laugh_ that nearly stole all of the strength from her body. 

She actually did lose it when he finally lowered his head a bit more as she’d asked. The spike of pleasure that shot through her when soft, yet coarse, so _hot_ tongue finally touched her caused her knees to immediately buckle. She shrieked, and if she didn’t immediately grab his shoulders he would have had to support her entire weight with the hands on her thighs.

He was…it was a _nightmare_. He moved _so slowly_ , and then sometimes he would move so _quickly_ and she couldn’t tell which one was more likely to cause her heart to give out first. Her head was spinning, and…and…

_Was that the alphabet_?

She wanted to scream. She almost did.

She struggled to rebuke him or encourage him, or even manage his name, but nonsense babble seemed to be all that spilled out of her mouth instead. Whenever she could manage to open her eyes, all she could see was him looking up at her from…from between her legs, eyes dark with that burning hunger, lips parting and then closing around her over and over.

She couldn’t help thinking that he really _was_ devouring her.

It…it…

Her body jerked and jolted in sudden pleasure when one of his quick passes managed to stimulate her more than the rest. He, like the devious yet completely innocent looking man he was immediately recognized it.

More and more he did it. Every time he could get away with it, never when she was expecting it.

No…no, it was _too much_ …

“Oh…”

She struggled to form _some kind_ of words, but almost everything that escaped were still just nonsense sounds. “Please…ah-…don’t…don’t s-stop…!”

Did she want him to stop or to continue? She couldn’t…both seemed like it would drive her insane. She’d never done this with anyone else, sure, but she wasn’t _unaware_ of what the growing heat and tightness in her belly _meant_. She knew what was happening, but it was…so _intense_ …

She swayed, her legs slipped more and more in his hands. Every panting breath she gave seemed to transform into a whimper before it was finished. He just…kept going, what…what letter was he even on? She’d lost track.

He shifted suddenly to a slower pace and she almost shouted in frustration. But this was…deliberate. He pressed harder, carefully brushed against the points that made her body jump most, and in her hazed mind she could still follow the letters. _I-L-O-V-E_

Surely he meant to finish that, but when he pressed his face into her more, moaned against her – _moaned_! Against _her skin_!

The Kazekage, _Gaara_ , _that sound_.

She really _did_ scream then, struggling to form the sound of his name as pleasure exploded outward through her every limb, blinded her mind, filled her vision, washed over her over and over and she lost track of what direction she faced, whether she was standing, _where she was_.

She shuddered over and over with every fresh wave of pleasure and bliss that crossed her mind, and it seemed as if she were actually floating.

When she finally managed to breathe again, managed to worry about what might have become of him or her, she found their positions reversed. He sat back against the wall now instead of her. And she sat straddled on his lap. His arms were curled so lovingly and kindly around her, and he kissed along her forehead and cheek, nipping at her ear and jaw. “It’s alright…Sakura…”

She still couldn’t rid herself of the occasional shudder. His voice was so…so soothing though, and he was so warm, and she couldn’t help easing against him, absorbing everything of him that she could.

What a beautiful and wonderful man he was. How wonderful and perfect would it be, if she could have him? If he could be so devoted, so loving and kind to her, not to whoever it was out there that he’d practiced kissing with? To have someone who cared… _so much_ about her?

Even if she didn’t deserve it - how could she claim to, when she was willing to abuse an opportunity like this because of her feelings? - it would be _so nice_ to be able to have this and keep it.

She ducked her head to hide the tears that welled in her eyes all over again, and hoped that he believed the sniffling was just a result of still regaining her bearings.

Finally…she managed to regain her voice, looking up at him with concern. “Are…are you alright, Gaara?”

For a moment, she saw that hurt, pained look in his eyes again. For a moment she was _afraid_ , afraid whatever happened had abruptly passed, and here she was hurting him without even being prepared to see it.

Then, with a sudden fierceness so unusual to him, he lunged forward and pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in her neck. “Sakura…” His shoulders trembled. “Thank you… _thank you_. My blossom…thank you.”

Why…why was he thanking her? Her hands shook softly as she reached up to stroke his hair. Was…did she feel tears against her neck? 

“Don’t…don’t be sad…please.” She bit her lip and clutched her arms around him. This wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. She would eventually have to let go and let _him_ go. She didn’t want it to end yet. “Please…I…I love you, please don’t _go_.”

Not yet.

She didn’t want him to go _yet_.

His shoulders relaxed slowly, and he finally turned to press his lips against her forehead and then nose, lips curling into such an easy, relaxed smile. It really did make him look beautiful. She was a little jealous that he could be so effortlessly attractive.

“I won’t go anywhere.” His low voice rumbled through his chest and sent vibrations through her whole body. “I love you. So long as you are with me…I am never unhappy.”

That…that was just a _lie_.

But she couldn’t help leaning against his shoulder and neck anyway, arms encircling him. “As long as you’ll have me, I’ll stay with you.” Eventually they’d sort this out and he wouldn’t…but…until then she’d stay. She couldn’t pull herself away.

The pain she felt when he did turn her away. That would be just punishment for staying until then.

She leaned down and pressed light kisses against his chest. She’d done so little for him…he was even fully dressed. What a ridiculous and silly situation to be in.

He held her tight and murmured in her ear. “Then…you’ll be mine forever.”

She couldn’t help a short, broken laugh. It was…hearing him speak so possessively made her want to gasp, to kiss him again, to say all sorts of foolish things. “I’ll always be.”

Even if he wouldn’t have her, even if she never saw him again. She’d always be. She’d just keep loving him anyway, like the fool she’d always been.

But…if she had only one chance, then she wasn’t just going to be satisfied by sitting still. She was selfish, she really was, and…she wanted to see what he looked like. She wanted to see him when she gave him pleasure, not just when he gave it back. It was just…greedy of her to want to know, but she still wanted to.

She moved her lips to his neck, suckling lightly and nipping at it like he had to her so many times. He jerked in surprise, and then his body stiffened underneath her. When her teeth tugged at his neck, he let out a stuttering cry. As her lips trailed along his neck, she felt his breathing quicken and shorten.

“S…Sakura…” 

She’d never heard him _whimper_ before. The sound went straight to her gut, pulled a whimper out of her as well. And _honestly_ …it just made her want _more_. She wanted to hear the sound again. She wanted him to gasp her name.

She wanted to hear what it sounded like when her tongue on him made him reach ecstasy like his did to her. Slowly, determinedly, she led herself down along his chest. She eased his arms away from her to help herself move. She unzipped the long coat he wore and pulled the mesh under it up out of the way so that she could kiss and nip along his skin as he had to her. It was such a wonder, watching him twitch and writhe with every kiss. His stomach rippled, his hands pressed into the ground and wall behind him and the sounds of his gasping moans filled her ears until she was dizzy.

When she looked up at him, his face was flushed and red. His eyes were half open, mouth slightly parted. She’d never even dared to imagine what he might look like in such a state. It….it was almost a mistake to look, because the sight of him made her shudder with need and….nearly forget what she was doing.

In her peripheral vision, she spotted stray sand stirring through the air, swirling uselessly in the air. Perhaps…caught up with his lust filled daze, he was manipulating the sand without thinking about it?

It was…it was ridiculous.

Looking up at him made her heart throb, squeezing painfully even more than it stoked the heat inside her stomach. How ridiculous was she? She shook her head quickly.

She needed to focus. Don’t let her opportunity slip away.

One hand carefully, nervous enough to tremble, reached down and pulled the hem of his pants down. Her breath caught in her throat when her actions exposed a part of him that she hadn’t even allowed herself to imagine at the worst and most indulgent of times. It was dim in the dark room he’d created, lit only by the light of the sunset that passed through the grains of sand around them, but…she could still make out the shape of him well enough.   
  
…Perhaps it was a dangerous thing to do this while they were sequestered away in a shelter held only by his thought, but she was far too committed now to stop. She kept doing things she shouldn’t, so what was yet another?

Experimentally, she leaned down a little and blew softly across his length, just to judge his reaction. He seemed so vulnerable already, so…unlike him…she wanted to see how he’d react.

The dome of sand shuddered reflexively, shrinking briefly and rapidly relaxing back to where it was, the ground rumbled dangerously. He growled out loud, almost primal now, his head thrown back and almost obscured from her. His hips bucked up against her–against such a simple, little action!

She bit her lip and pressed her lips against the bottom side of his length. 

A tortured groan sounded through the sphere, and a flurry of sand swirled around her. Heavy sand, shaped like one of his hands, settled on the back of her head. His legs spread more, and hooked over her arms and shoulders, bucking up hard against her lips.

She…she almost lost her breath. The sensation of his sand pressing desperately against her - his mind so scattered that he moved sand rather than his actual hands - the sound of that growl and his groan rattling through her and reverberating over and over…how could she be expected to concentrate at _all_?

She must have given some kind of a needy moan in response to his groan…or maybe the growl itself? But she couldn’t remember, didn’t hear it herself. He was…such a gentle and thoughtful person, so careful and reserved, normally. To see him so lost with need, so _demanding_ and _raw,_ almost violent again…

She couldn’t even figure out _how_ it made her feel, but there wasn’t anything she could have possibly done but to open her mouth for him and slide plush lips over him. Her tongue curled around flesh that somehow felt amazingly soft despite the steel underneath it, and she slowly moved down along it. 

Her gaze stayed fixed on his face, as well as she could from the awkward angle she found herself stuck in.

It was such a strange wonder. When she could see it, his expression twisted and shifted, moving between agony and desperation, settling sometimes on something almost lost and desperate, mouth having fallen open completely now. His chest heaved powerfully with every breath, and sweat beaded across skin she’d kissed along his stomach.  
  
Contrary to the vulnerability and strain in his face, his hips bucked even more violent and brutal up against her, the sand at the back of her head shoved her down over and over, faster than she’d even considered moving. His fingers dug and clawed at the sand beneath him, and his voice growled and barked demands for _more_.

And …and…

She might actually _die_. Somehow. If it were medically possible to die from being _too turned on_. Good _Hashiramakaguya_. How she kept it together as much as she had, she didn’t know. Looking at her sweet Kazekage turn into such a mess, growling and demanding things so fiercely, forgetting his civility…she would _die_. Surely.  
  
Her eyes fluttered shut against her will, and she struggled to keep them open instead. She didn’t want to close them. Not now. He was doing much of the work now, moving her _and_ himself…but…she wasn’t about to _not_ participate. Even though she didn’t have much experience, she did her best to adapt to him. When her tongue curled in a certain way to make his body jerk a bit more, when her cheeks hollowed out enough to draw a rough moan…she kept up as best as she could.

She wanted to see him finally unravel. Even if she died doing it.

His movements became more and more urgent. Was it quickly? Slowly? She couldn’t keep track. She felt dizzy, almost like she was no longer touching the ground, yet again. Finally, without any discernible warning, he gave a feral shout that echoed off of the walls and floor around them. His head flung backward and slammed into the wall behind him - cushioned only barely by his defensive sand. The sand at her head forced her down all at once, as his body trembled and shuddered underneath her. 

The pressure vanished, sand poured freely down her shoulders, and the Kazekage collapsed onto the ground again, limbs twitching, body limp and still short of his shaky breaths.

Her body trembled almost as much as his. She didn’t die…but she _did_ almost go crazy as he’d requested of her earlier. Her arms felt so weak, she wasn’t certain they could support her if she tried. Her own breathing was short and heavy as if she’d just run the entire way from Konoha to Suna without a break. 

That _shout_.

She swallowed his release before it could drip onto him…or before she could forget how to breathe, because…w o w. What was…breathing…or other unimportant behaviors like that?

Eventually, enough strength returned to her limbs to push herself up and climb along the wall, seating herself in his lap again. She couldn’t just…sit there on her hands and knees and watch him. He’d been gentle and kind to her, what sort of a person would she be if she wasn’t the same?

Even so…she was pretty sure a solid breeze would knock her back over.

One trembling hand threaded through his hair, and she placed light kisses along his cheek and jaw. Though he made no other attempt to move, simply breathing heavily, eyes drifting closed for a while and then opening again only halfway, he did tilt his head each time, pressing against her kisses slightly.

“I love you…” She wanted to say _something_ , like he had, but it seemed whatever wires in her head were _supposed_ to go to intelligent discourse and thoughtful words hadn’t recovered from his display yet. She ended up saying nonsense platitudes. “You…you’re…perfect.”

His smile turned a bit incredulous. Which she couldn’t blame him for. It was a pretty dumb statement, and she winced a bit immediately after she said it. Regardless of that, his arms curled around her again and pulled her against him forcibly. His strength must have returned to him already. 

She couldn’t help curling hers around him as well, pressing her cheek against his chest. “I meant it…if you hate me…”

She clenched her eyes shut, and shook her head. If it wasn’t a nightmare after all, it felt like a dream. She didn’t want to wake up from it. She didn’t want to return to the real world.

But…

Things like this…

Couldn’t last.  
  
**

“…So?”

She blinked and stared at the pair of siblings in front of her.

They…they seemed to be dealing with the situation well.

“Hey, I’m happy he’s gotten his ass into gear,” Kankuro shrugged and squinted at her. “But I was in the middle of working on upgrades so if you’d–”

“ _This is serious!”_ She slammed her hand onto the table between them. The wood cracked and the puppeteer jumped. Maybe…maybe it didn’t seem as important to them because she chose not to include the… _details_ , but they should care their brother’s mind was compromised!

“Yeah, and so are we.” Temari placed a hand on her hip. “So he finally confessed. That’s not an emergency.”

“ _Finally_?” She turned on the woman, bewildered. Sure, Temari was snarky, but she wasn’t that much of a jokester. So… _what_. “What the hell are you talking about?”

The woman stared at her a moment, slowly blinking. “…Did you seriously not notice? Or _ever_ figure out? I thought you were supposed to be smart.”

…Uh?

Kankuro snickered. “Man, he’s been into you for _ages_. It’s a little creepy.”

From behind her, Gaara made a sound of disapproval. Wait, when did he get behind her?

“What–well it’s _true_. It’s been at least since you came by and helped us with Sasori.”

Temari shook her head. “No, actually I think it was–”

He coughed louder that time. “Isn’t it inappropriate to discuss other people in front of them?”

She turned, finally. A short distance from her, the Kazekage directed a look that seemed distinctly like he was sulking toward Temari. When he noticed she’d turned though, the small smile she was most familiar with appeared on his face, and he took a step toward her, hand going to her shoulders.

“As I told you…it’s _true_. There is _no_ genjutsu.”

There–

It could have…

The other two as well, they…they might…

Her shoulders trembled, and _yet again_ tears threatened to overflow. “B…but…”

His warm hand laid over her cheek, and he placed a kiss to her forehead. “If it’s necessary, I’ll say it again. As many times as you require, for as long as necessary. But…I _love you_.”

Automatically, she lurched forward and linked her arms around his neck. If she didn’t, she knew she’d just break down crying again, and so instead she pulled him into a desperate kiss. If she held on, if she just kissed him hard enough, she wouldn’t cry again. She was much too exhausted to do any more of that. His arms immediately coiled around her and pulled her more tightly into him, returning her kiss with equal fervor.

“…I’m leaving.” Temari sighed and immediately marched out of the room.

“Guys– _come on_! Get a room or something!” 

A moment later, Kankuro made a startled sound, and was almost certainly being dragged _out_ of the room by sand. “Hey– _Hey! THIS IS MY ROOM!”_

She couldn’t really help breaking into giggles and away from the kiss as soon as the door slammed shut behind him.

The culprit gave an amused laugh in response and smiled down at her for a few moments. Without saying anything else, he ducked down and lifted her off of her feet in both of his arms. She squeaked and immediately steadied herself around his neck.

It wasn’t all that difficult to figure out _why_ he carried her toward the messy looking bed in the room.

“ _Guys_!” Kankuro’s shouts still sounded from the other side of the door, muffled both by the door itself and likely a layer of sand.

“ _GROSS!!_ ”


End file.
